Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices. - Laurence J. Peter

I believe that all government is evil, and that trying to improve it is largely a waste of time. - H. L. Mencken

If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive. - Samuel Goldwyn

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week. - Evan Esar

You don't get anything clean without getting something else dirty. - Cecil Baxter

You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance. - Ray Bradbury

You give my regards to St. Peter, or whoever has his job, but in Hell. - Joss Whedon, Zack
Whedon, Maurissa Tancharoen, and Jed Whedon

I became a feminist as an alternative to becoming a masochist. - Sally Kempton

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

Silence is the most perfect expression of scorn. George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950), Back to Methuselah (1921) pt. 5

Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind. - Evan Esar

If you live long enough, the venerability factor creeps in; first, you get accused of things you never did, and later, credited for virtues you never had. - I. F. Stone

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death. - Saki

We are generally the better persuaded by the reasons we discover ourselves than by those given to us by others. - Blaise Pascal

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. - Erica Jong

How hard it is, sometimes, to trust the evidence of one's senses! How reluctantly the mind consents to reality. - Norman Douglas

I have seen the future and it doesn't work. - Robert Fulford

Thanks to the Interstate Highway System, it is now possible to travel from coast to coast without seeing anything. - Charles Kuralt

With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion. - Steven Weinberg

Fall not in love, therefore; it will stick to your face. - National Lampoon

Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and
committee meetings. - George F. Will

There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way.Christopher Morley

Lies are like children: they're hard work, but it's worth it because the future depends on them. - Pam Davis

Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know. - Ernest Hemingway

The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously. - Henry Kissinger

An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field. - Niels Bohr

We are born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society. - Judith Martin

Misquotation is, in fact, the pride and privilege of the learned. A widely- read man never quotes accurately, for the rather obvious reason that he has read too widely. - Hesketh Pearson

Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see. - Arthur Schopenhauer

Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value life more.Virginia Woolf (1882-1941)

We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

And if I pray, the only prayerThat moves my lips for meIs—"Leave the heart that now I bear,And give me liberty."Emily Bronte (1818-1848)

I look at what the phone company does and do the opposite. - Craig Newmark

Wisdom is what's left after we've run out of personal opinions. - Cullen Hightower

There is nothing more demoralizing than a small but adequate income. - Edmund Wilson

Nothing contributes so much to tranquilizing the mind as a steady purpose—a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye. Mary Shelley (1797-1851)

Any woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming about 10 inches too high. - Adrienne E. Gusoff

We learn something every day, and lots of times it's that what we learned the day before was wrong. - Bill Vaughan

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none. William Shakespeare (1564-1616)

A man's silence is wonderful to listen to. - Thomas Hardy

Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them. - Leo Tolstoy

America is a large, friendly dog in a very small room. Every time it wags its tail, it knocks over a chair.
- Arnold Toynbee

The follies which a man regrets most, in his life, are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity. - Helen Rowland

In politics, absurdity is not a handicap. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument. - William G. McAdoo

They certainly give very strange names to diseases.Plato (427 BC - 347 BC)

As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other
fellow. He could be plotting something.Hagar the Horrible

Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?Clarence Darrow (1857 - 1938)

Ser positivo es actuar con inteligencia.

Design is not just what it looks like and feels like. Design is how it works. Steve Jobs

The mind is everything. What you think you become. Buddha

When you're through changing, you're through. - Bruce Barton

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life. - George

BurnsI'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants. - A. Whitney Brown

Appear weak when you are strong, and strong when you are weak. Sun Tzu (544 BC-496 BC)

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. Buddha

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. Buddha

He is able who thinks he is able. Buddha

The strongest of all warriors are these two—Time and Patience. Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)

Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. - Truman Capote

No one has ever had an idea in a dress suit. - Sir Frederick G. Banting

HOUSE

(House se entera de que han asignado a otro doctor un caso que él quiere): “Bueno, no me gusta hablar mal de otros médicos, y menos de un borracho tan torpe.”

(House brinda con el marido de Stacy, su ex mujer): “¡Por las mujeres! No se puede vivir con ellas. Ni matarlas y decir que se han ido de ’strippers’ a Atlantic City”.

(Un anciano llega a la consulta y le pregunta si es el doctor House): “Me parece que me voy a arrepentir, pero sí”.

(El equipo de House opina que un paciente debe dejar el hospital): “A no ser que me hayan declarado el cuarto miembro del eje del mal invadido y ocupado, esto sigue sin ser una democracia. Se queda”.

(Un paciente explica al doctor House una operación que le han hecho): “Una historia fascinante ¿Ha pensado en adaptarla para el teatro?”

(Wilson dice a House que deje las pastillas porque él mismo ha reconocido que está enganchado): “He dicho que soy adicto, no que tenga un problema”.

(House animando a un paciente paralítico): “La vida es un asco y la suya es peor que otras. Aunque las hay peores, lo cual también es deprimente”.

(Dr. House a un médico del hospital): “Resulta que tus opiniones no dan buenos resultados. Te aconsejo que uses las mías”.

(Dr House a una monja): “Ira, orgullo, envidia, gula… Lleva usted cuatro de los siete pecados capitales en dos minutos. ¿Registran ustedes los records? ¿Hay Católicoolimpiadas?”

(House, tras ver el expediente de un paciente que acaba de ingresar): ¿Usted es Taddy? Me encanta el nombre, si alguna vez tengo un perro…

(Wilson llama a Stacy para que le pase con House, y le recrimina que nunca recarga su móvil): “¿Se recargan? Y yo comprándolos nuevos”.

(La hijita de una paciente pasa por el despacho de House y le pregunta si está triste): “No estoy triste, soy complicado. A las tías les gusta, pronto lo entenderás”.

(Cuddy pregunta a House si firmó un documento haciéndose pasar por ella): “Sí, ve eligiendo con qué fusta me castigas”.

(Un médico acusa a House de tirar por tierra su ensayo clínico porque mandó un e-mail a la farmacéutica criticándolo): “No sé por qué la gente lee los e-mails, el botón de borrar está tan a mano…

House está en el aeropuerto y una niña que está en brazos de su madre no para de llorar): “Déle 20 gramos de antiestamínico, puede salvarle la vida porque si no se calla, la mato”.

(Uno de los aspirantes explica a House algo plagado de términos técnicos. House dice) “¿Acabas de insultarme en esperanto?”

(Cuddy niega que no lleve bragas. House dice): “Venga ya, esa falda que llevas no tiene secretos, se te ve hasta el DIU!”

(House quiere confirmar su tratado con la novia de Wilson): ‘Si quieres que la gente conduzca mejor, quita los airbags y pon un machete apuntando al cuello, nadie pasará de diez por hora’.

(Intentando sacarle una televisión a Cuddy): ‘Quieres algo, o me suplicas, o negocias’.

(Le dice a Wilson): ‘Si tuviera cerebro, no sería camarero’.